The Epic Arrival of Steven Lamp – Episode 3: An Anxious Arrival

On any given episode of ER, there is a hospital bed that flies into the picture with six to seven people hovering about it doing some odd job or another. There are yelling for 10 ccs of this, or run some drip, intubating somebody or some other thing that makes you extremely fearful of ever going near an emergency room.

As Bonnie was laying on the bed, the midwife said these few words "We're going to be doing an emergency C-section. There are going to be a lot of people coming into the room, but just be calm as we're going to have him out in a few minutes."

Moments later, an army of nurses and doctors had stormed the room like the Marines did at Omaha Beach in World War II. People were flying around, hooking up IVs, drips and who knows what else. Before I could figure out what was going on, Bonnie was rolled out with the doctor on the bed towards the operating room with one of the nurses throwing me a set of scrubs to change in to.

Standing next to my mother-in-law, only one of us could go in there. I had been scared of the actual birth since Bonnie told me she was pregnant. It was a decision that called for quick action. Do I avoid watching all the blood, guts and gore (which would send my stomach upside down)? Do I go in there, freaking out because my whole world rests in the hands of a doctor? Bonnie is going to be awake, what do I say to her? How the heck am I supposed to be calm for her when I don't know what the heck is going on?

With all of those thoughts racing through my head and In front of my mother-in-law, I quickly traded out of T-shirts and shorts for the scrubs, hair net and facial mask. I headed out of the room, lost looking for my wife and the hole inside her belly that my son was going to be going coming out of shortly.

I got the nurse's station, found one of the nurses who let me into the OR (doctor talk for an operating room). I took a moment before I stepped in to collect my thoughts. This was helluva lot bigger than me and Bonnie – our kid was on the line and I needed to do whatever I could to support the efforts to make sure he came out safely and healthy.

The scene was eerie when I entered the room. There were two doctors hacking away at Bonnie, with four to five nurses hovering around doing various task, none of which I could figure out in the 0.2 seconds that I tried to. Instead, I focused on Bonnie, who was doped up to the gills. She was shaking because of all the narcotics in her system, which was to help offset the fact that there was no time to put her under anesthesia.

How much narcotics was in her system? If she had been walking the streets and got arrested, they would have thrown the book at her for felony drug possession.

Back to Bonnie, who had a shield below her breasts and up high enough so that she couldn't see the activities happening in her mid-section. There was a ton of action as parts were flying out and two women had their hands deep inside Bonnie trying to procure young Steven from the depths of her belly.

I've seen a lot of Bonnie in our relationship. That day, I saw more of her than I ever wanted.

About five minutes after they began the surgery, Steven was out safely – whisked away to the incubation station where he was checked out by the on-call pediatrician doctor. I went over to check on my son, but kept an eye on Bonnie to make sure that she was OK. I had been a wreck for quite awhile, now it was taking on even greater proportions as Steven was finally here.

The moment we had been waiting nine months had come…Steven's arrival, but Bonnie couldn't celebrate much as she was laying prostrate on the operating table with her insides sitting on her belly (trust me, this is an image that I won't forget for a long time).

Once Steven was checked out, I got to hold him and show him to his mother. He was bright eyed and bushy tailed. His flashed those big blue eyes and melted her heart right then and there. He gazed at his mother lovingly, which brought tears to my eyes as we were now a full-fledged family (not that we weren't before, but this stamped official on it).

While the doctor's were working on Bonnie after the delivery, I noted that all the king's horses and all the king's men were putting Bonnie back together again. Bonnie looked at me and asked "What am I? Humpty Dumpty?"

We looked at each other and started laughing, with the doctor who operating on Bonnie looking perplexed as it was the first time she had ever seen anyone laugh in this situation. We needed something to break the tension and that was the perfect tonic for the moment.

Upon the doctor's stapling her back up, I went with Steven to the nursery for his check in. He went on the scale squirming, weighing in at 8 pounds, 0.5 ounces. Then he went to the bed to be measured, coming in at a length 21.5 inches (1 foot, 9.5 inches).

It was off to another station, where his grandparents and his great-grandmother were able to gawk in amazement from the window – taking a TON of pictures. He is quite the cute young lad, even if he is my kid.

After Steven was in good hands, I raced down to the recovery room to check in on Bonnie. She was resting well, the shakes coming to an end as she slowly detoxed from the meds that fed to her in the surgery. She was at ease knowing that he was healthy and safe, while finally completing the most vicious 10 months of her life.

A few hours later, she was finally able to meet her son and hold young Steven for the first time. It was a touching moment as the three of us huddled around each other to share in the special moment. For me, it brought me back down to Earth as the excitement and anxiety of the past four hours finally had built to this Hallmark moment.

It was the perfect end to what had been far from a perfect day.

The Epic Arrival of Steven Lamp: Episode 1 – Just Another Saturday Night

It was a normal Saturday night, or least as normal as any other one since Bonnie became pregnant.

Over the past nine months, I had become convinced that Steven was a big fan of Robert Frost and taking the road less traveled. He had a tendency to kick, all hours of the day, as well as slide from side-to-side, driving his mother nuts.

As we were watching movies at the house, it became clear that Steven was fired up this evening. His kicks were CLEARLY visible from the other side of the room – i.e. his father was able to make out his foot trying to bust through his mother's stomach. Steven wanted to take it a step further though. He started shifting side-to-side so violently that you could see him sliding across her belly.

It was a touching moment to know that he would soon be out, but it also scared the living crap out of me knowing that he would be out soon.

While that moment was scary enough, later that night it went to another level.

As were wrapping up a movie, Bonnie was having contractions. Now, I'm no doctor (and I have the grades to prove it), but that word can put the fear into any man – especially with the faces Bonnie was making at the time. She was in pain, that was pretty evident, but fortunately they were only just bursts of pain that quickly subsided.

At this point, the two rocket scientist weren't sure if Mrs. Lamp was in labor or not. Her contractions were between 7 to 10 minutes, not very long and she was able to talk very quickly after them. So, in fear of looking like of idiots and going to the hospital for a false alarm, we decided to make a call to the OBGYN doctor in an effort to see where we were at in the birthing process.

So, it was a call to the doctor's office answering service. Five minutes later, the doctor called back and put us at ease by letting us know that Bonnie would officially be in labor when her contractions were coming every five minutes and she couldn't breathe between them.

I this point, I think I became faint at the idea that Bonnie would be having contractions like that at home really put me off kilter. It was then that I decided that if Bonnie got to having contractions five minutes apart that I would be bolting with her to the hospital faster than Jeff Gordon in a NASCAR race.

With the threat of a weekend birth over, paving the way to Bonnie's doctor appointment on Monday, we were able to go to bed. Or at least attempt it.

During my two month exile to the couch, I have become accustomed to going to sleep with the TV on an old movie. While Bonnie was sacked out in the bed, I was on the couch battling a panic attack as I realized how close I was to becoming a father. Fortunately, John McClain was battling the former Marines in Diehard 2, so I was able to relax after the attack and slowly fall asleep.

With sleep mode achieved, it doesn't take much to rustle me awake. About five minutes after I had fallen asleep, the doctor's answering service called back to see if the doctor had called us – waking me to talk to the young lady and confirm that we had talked to the doctor.

Steven wasn't coming any sooner than Monday, that much was confirmed.

The Epic Arrival of Steven Lamp: Episode 2 – Prelude to a Birth

Labor…that's a great use of a word to describe giving birth.

It takes a LOT of work to give birth to a kid. Think about it. The woman has to carry this kid around with her for nine-plus months. She has to eat like a fat kid that had just come back from Somalia. The woman goes through more mood swings than you ever could have imagined (and trust me, all women go through mood swings, it just takes on a life of its own when they are pregnant). Then, they balloon from that perfect vision that you married into the lady in Shallow Hal.

And that's just the pregnancy part. We haven't even TOUCHED on the birthing part.

That's where our story begins…labor.

On Monday, Bonnie went to the doctor and it was decided that at 5 p.m. she would be checking in to the hospital and that Steven's planned arrival would be on Tuesday.

After checking into the Baptist Medical Center Downtown hotel (better known as the birthing rooms), Bonnie assumed her position in the bed and began taking some medicine to help her dilate more. I'm not a doctor (although some people could confuse me as one), so I'll leave all the medical terminology out of fairness, accuracy and quite frankly, good taste.

To say that Bonnie was uncomfortable was an understatement. She had not felt good for awhile and Steven wasn't making things any easier.

After taking the medicine and 10 mg of Ambien, it would seem like Bonnie would sack out quickly. Instead, she couldn't sleep – even through Escape From Alcatraz starring Clint Eastwood, which I thought was a sure fire way to put her out (a side note – no offense, but how the heck the warden didn't keep a better eye on Morris when he knew that the guy was the smartest person on the island is beyond me. Also, is the movie better than Shawshank or worse? I'm torn at this point.).

Instead of being able to sleep, Bonnie can't get comfortable which leads to her not getting any rest. She can't take a lot of pain meds because she's due to get an epidural in the morning when the inducing process truly begins. So, instead, she and Nurse Mindy have a running dialogue of how to get her comfortable and asleep – in the end, the only person that wins is me as I'm able to find a weirdly comfortable position on the sofa that allows me to stay warm enough in the frozen tundra that has become our room (a side note – you may think I'm embellishing the room temperature, but I'm not. It was somewhere around 60 degrees in there at one point).

The sun rises, as do I, awaking to see that Bonnie is up and Nurse Mindy is trying to alleviate some pressure on Bonnie. A few hours later, Bonnie gets her first dose of the medicine that is to purge Steven from the womb and into the world. She also gets her epidural and officially goes off the reservation at that point as she is jacked up where she can't feel a thing.

This all happens around 10 a.m. Bonnie has dilated 2 cm…that's a FAR, FAR cry from where she needs to be for Steven to make his way through the escape hatch.

Around 2, the doctor comes back to take a look to see how far we've come and if we're ready to really go into labor (I thought we had done that awhile back, obviously I was wrong). They broke her water – and literally broke it – sending out a gusher of fluid that looked like something straight out of a movie.

Alas, it didn't produce the wanted result – an instant rush to labor and Steven's arrival. Back to work on the IVs – depositing some fluid and meds to push Bonnie's dilation.

So, the doctor leaves with a planned return later in the afternoon. Coming back at 6, a different doctor took a look and shoves her hand in a place that is revered. What she found, sent the room into a tizzy and turned our world upside down quickly.

Steven's Waiting Game

"He's getting more like his dad every day. He doesn't want to do anything." - Bonnie Lamp

And that quote best sums up Steven's entrance into the world.

Bonnie is frustrated, tired, frustrated and tired. She is ready for him to come out and show his face. I'm ready for it too, if for no other reason than to get her out of this funk.

His room is rocking - filled with stuffed animals, toys, diapers and swings. The decorations are all in place and it's ready for it's new tenant to get here.

The next doctor appointment is set for Monday and she's going to push for him to make his entrance no later than Tuesday.

Stay tunes for more updates.